Attorney & Witness

court
“Disorder in the American Courts” номонд бичигдсэн Шүүх хурлын протокол дээрээс авсан ярианууд


Attorney: – Are you sexually active?
Witness: – No, I just lie there.
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Attorney: – What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
Witness: – Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
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Attorney: – This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
Witness: – Yes.
Attorney: – And in what ways does it affect your memory?
Witness: – I forget.
Attorney: – You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
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Attorney: – What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
Witness: – He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
Attorney: – And why did that upset you?
Witness: – My name is Susan!
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Attorney: – Now doctor isn’t it true that when a person dies in his Sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
Witness: – Did you actually pass the bar exam?
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Attorney: – The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?
Witness: – Uh, he’s twenty-one.
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Attorney: – Were you present when your picture was taken?
Witness: – Are you shittin me?
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Attorney: – So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
Witness: – Yes.
Attorney: – And what were you doing at that time?
Witness: – Uh…. I was gettin’ laid!
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Attorney: – She had three children, right?
Witness: – Yes.
Attorney: – How many were boys?
Witness: – None.
Attorney: – Were there any girls?
Witness: – Are you kidding? Your Honor, I think I need a different Attorney. Can I get a new Attorney?
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Attorney: – How was your first marriage terminated?
Witness: – By death.
Attorney: – And by whose death was it terminated?
Witness: – Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
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Attorney: – Can you describe the individual?
Witness: – He was about medium height and had a beard.
Attorney: – Was this a male or a female?
Witness: – Guess.
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Attorney: – Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
Witness: – All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
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Attorney: – ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
Witness: – Oral.
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Attorney: – Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
Witness: – The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Attorney: – And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
Witness: – No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
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Attorney: – Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
Witness: – No.
Attorney: – Did you check for blood pressure?
Witness: – No.
Attorney: – Did you check for breathing?
Witness: – No.
Attorney: – So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
Witness: – No.
Attorney: – How can you be so sure, Doctor?
Witness: – Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Attorney: – I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
Witness: – Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

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